This blog is dedicated to all women who deal with self-esteem issues. It’s also dedicated to two women who inspired me, my mother Terrie and my spiritual mother Dr. Jackie Greene. Thank you! Ya girl is F R E E!
I did it! I can’t believe I cut my hair off! Yikes! Such a liberating feeling. A long journey to get to this place though. The inspiration for this blog came from an old TLC song called “Unpretty”. The lyrics literally are self-explanatory. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been insecure. I would compare myself to other girls ALL THE TIME! I would always try to hide behind the weave, make-up, clothes, nails, bags, you name it! I spent so much money trying to keep up an image and at the time trying to please a man. I didn’t believe that I was enough to be chosen. So, I figured I would “buy my pretty.” Which is why I am posting the hook to this song because that was my logic at the time. I wore so many “mask.” Because hiding was something I did best.
You can buy your hair if it won’t grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make up that M.A.C. can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in the position to make me feel so
(Yeah) I’ll make you feel unpretty too
It’s crazy one line out of the song says, “My outsides look cool, my insides are blue.” Most definitely how my life was set up. I’ve always been told, “Meme you’re a pretty girl. Or the ‘why are you single, you’re so beautiful.” They had no idea that there was an insecure 10-year-old girl trapped inside, who had been suffering in silence for as long as she could remember. It wasn’t until this year, yeah, A L M O S T 30, to love me for me!
Cutting my hair was so emotional. Every time Addavia would cut, I was naming things that I was getting rid of. I got rid of the shame that I’ve carried for over 10 years. Got rid of the anger issues. The daddy issues that were literally suffocating me. The insecurity and low self-esteem. I got rid of all the lies I told myself. I cut away the guilt. A big one, I LET GO OF UNFORGIVENESS!!!! I got rid of rejection, and the feeling of being abandoned. It’s not an overnight process. It’s a daily walk for me! In exchange, I received FREEDOM! FREE TO BE THE REAL AUTHENTIC ME! I received a revelation that “old things have passed away! And I am now new!” E M B R A C E the new! I AM MORE THAN ENOUGH! I AM A SURE THING BECAUSE HE IS A SURE THING! I AM BEAUTIFUL! I AM A BRAVE GIRL! I AM AN OVERCOMER. I AM A SURVIVOR. I AM THE FREE MICAELA L GOLDEN. This journey hasn’t been easy nor is it over. I’m just getting started! YEAR 30 YA GIRL IS READY FOR YOU!