Family, Journal Post, Random

PTSD

PTSD

Post traumatic stress disorder:

A disorder in which a person has difficulty recovering after experiencing or witnessing a terrifying event.

The condition may last months or years, with triggers that can bring back memories of the trauma accompanied by intense emotional and physical reactions.

10:22 pm, 13 gunshots ring out, middle of the night—images of glass all over the living room floor. The piercing scream from my mom’s belly as she looks at a place where she once called home. A place where we once all felt safe. A place now that will forever hold memories of a night that shook up our lives. A night that has caused me to always sleep with the tv on to help drown out gunfire even the noise of a car slowly passing by. A constant jumping in my sleep every once in a while

Constantly looking over my shoulder to see if anyone is following me. And if it’s a man, is he going to hurt me, harass me or better yet does he plan to follow me all the way to my room only to be kind enough to me to be welcomed into my space only to have his way with me . Only for him to force himself on me. Only for him to leave the scars of me forever watching over my shoulder for every man that walks behind me.

I saw her head drop slightly to the right. Her hands cold, face still. She didn’t wiggle her nose when I moved the clear white cord that provided oxygen for her. Her eyes completely grey. Opened her eye lids to let that last tear roll down her face. To lay my head on her hard, cold chest—only to hear nothing. “Hey Mama, can you come and check and see if she’s still breathing?” She’s gone baby.

I didn’t ask for you to touch me inappropriately. You could’ve kept your apology. It didn’t ease the pain nor guilt I placed on myself.

Now I never leave my phone on silent at night. The last time I did I had several missed calls and texts informing me that my friend had killed himself.

Scared to scroll on Facebook or IG because I don’t know if I’ll find another RIP post, burying another classmate/friend to a senseless shooting.

To see my brother face down on the ground and blue lights surrounding him. Hearing my mother cry out for her only son. To hear my sister reading “the man” about how obsessive this is and to see neighbors outside terrified . Not knowing the fate of another young black man. I’m even more afraid for my only brother who happens to be black to walk down the road, fearing if he’ll return or not.

See, I thought PTSD was just something only military people dealt with. How naive was I? It’s a scary thing that most people deal with and are afraid to talk about or even seek help. Trust me, that’s where I made the mistake of thinking I can handle it on my own or sweep it under the rug. I urge anyone who’s dealing with PTSD, please seek counseling. Talk to someone. Don’t try to handle it on your own.

P.S. i love you 💜

#PTSD #PostTraumaticStressDisorder #YourMentalHealthMatters #YouAreNotAlone #SeekHelp #iSupportMentalHealth

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (also affiliated with Mental Health America): (800) 273-TALK (8255). Available any time of day or night, 365 days a year, this toll-free PTSD helpline has trained volunteers standing by to provide crisis intervention, to offer support for people in distress, and to give information and referrals to people with PTSD and their loved ones.

Veterans Crisis Line: (800) 273-TALK (8255) and press “1”. This toll-free hotline is available for veterans and their loved ones. You can also send a text message to 838255 to receive confidential, free support and referrals.

Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741. This service is available 24/7 and provides free crisis support and information via text.

National Hopeline Network: (800) 442-HOPE (4673). Available 365 days a year, volunteers who staff this toll-free hotline are specially trained in crisis intervention to provide support, information, and referrals to people in need. You can also access services via chat by pressing the “Chat Now” button on its website.

PTSD Foundation of America, Veteran Line: (877) 717-PTSD (7873). Providing referrals, information, and helpful resources to veterans and their families, this toll-free hotline is available 24/7.

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