My Heart

Journal Post, Singleness

My Last Message

31july2018
black and blue plastic pen non top of black covered notebook
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

i called him.

i told him, “i’m outta there”
which translate to “i’m done.”
i debated on whether or not i should continue to be stupid
& fall for the “i don’t wanna be done. it’ll be different this time.”
yea, i heard that at least 4 times in the last month.
but tonight
i’m officially D O N E
your lost!
so now the process starts of me
“getting outta there”
deleted our thread
deleted you number
now it’s time to hit BLOCK!
i always heard the saying,
“people make time for what they WANNA make time for”
i was clearly an option
never a priority.
well tonight, i chose not to be stupid anymore
and allow you to treat me less than the queen i am
no more debating.
that was my last message….
Journal Post, Random

Gloomy

20July2018

gloomy.

so much pressure on my temples

watching the rain

as it tap dances on

the large window panes

watching the water as it

trickles down the window pane

and begins to fall so fastly

to the ground

&on the cars

gloomy.

everybody is still moving

the water running down the

window pane

makes me think of crying tears

how the flow of tears is a constant flow

its hard to determine whether the sky is crying tears of

joy or tears of sadness

gloomy.

 

Journal Post, Random, Singleness

Word Vomit

So many emotions

Was I suppose to reach out?

Or was I suppose to let fate decide

-mistake

mlg

sometimes

i stop myself from

saying the words out loud

as if leaving my mouth too often

might wear them down

-i love you

Quote from the sun and her flowers by rupi kaur

She once said “the only way to get great is to divorce good” -dr jackie greene

I guess this is my farewell

when you start loving someone new

you laugh at the indecisiveness of love

remember when you were sure

the last one was the one

and now here you are

redefining the one all over again

a fresh love is a gift

Quote from the sun and her flowers rupi kaur

Is it time to give up yet?

-me

mlg

**just how I’m feeling in this current moment**

Journal Post, Random

Random Blurbing

Hey, it’s one of those nights. Random thinking! So I’m flipping through an old journal, and I came across a few of my favorite quotes! Just thought I’d share.

Don’t be distracted by people who hate you because they think they deserve the success you’re getting for the work the didn’t do!

-Sprinkle of Jesus

Yea! That quote though!

You are about to become everything they feared you would be!

-Sprinkle of Jesus

Stay focused! Be ready!

Share your favorite quote below!

Thanks for reading!

 

 

Self-image

Unpretty

Journal Post, Uncategorized

Greenlight

** from a voice recording 24 May 2018. Literally at the stoplight**

So how many times have we tried to make the green light, like literally on two wheels trying to make it cause we don’t want the red light to catch us?

I know that’s so true for me! Like literally just now I was like on almost two wheels. Like bruh hurry up I don’t want to get stopped by this red light and I am going too doggone fast to slow down for this yellow light. It dawned on me how we are in such a rush that we don’t want to wait. We want everything quick. We want to cruise right through this green light. Not knowing the importance of the red light and of the yellow light. The yellow light is caution, you know like “warning comes before destruction.”

The red light is the “hey stop! This cannot continue!  Just stop, hang tight.” And although the stop seems like forever especially when I’m at the red light. I’m like bro this light has been red for at least 70 minutes, (yea maybe a little exaggerating.) But that’s how I feel. And I’m just like, “Why is it taking so long for this to change?” Wait Meme, you are ministering to yourself!!! #geesh Stop being in such a hurry to get things done or being in such a hurry to get to where you think you oughta be. For example, you’ve heard this line before, “Oh where your kids at, you bout to turn 30. Where’s ya husband?” So it puts a time limit on me. It puts me in a place to where I feel like I got to rush to find him and to have my babies . Because I mean, you’ll be 30 in December!

Trying to get the green light, when God clearly has me at a red light to prepare me, to develop my character in this red light season. So when the green light comes ain’t no stopping me baby. I’m good cause he’s good. I’m sure cause he’s sure. So now I know that I’m at a yellow light right now. The “caution baby girl!” Slow down!  Be still and know that I am God that I got this. I’m the one who’s in control. I don’t work on your time . I’m like, all right Jesus this yellow light is kind of uncomfortable. But I’ll sit here because I know eventually you’re going to put me at a red light to where everything’s going to be at a standstill and I’m going to be like God what are you doing? Do you not hear me?

The red light is to shape you it’s not to punish you. It’s to get you to slow down and realize that its me. I control when things move or shake in your life. I control what doors open and what doors shut. That’s all me. So whether you’re at the yellow light right now, in a caution season where he’s like slow down. Hold up Shawty. He’s preparing you. Even if you’re at a red light don’t be dismayed don’t be discouraged because He’s still working on you through the red light. Don’t get so caught up in catching the green light that we miss HIM in the stillness on the yellow and the red light.

 

Family

To My Younger Sisters

To my younger sisters,

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would have done somethings differently. I would have waited to have sex until I was married, until I was ready. I would have listened to Mama when she said, “hey leave him alone, he’s no good.” I would have trusted my gut and never drank from a cup that I put down at a party. I would have never allowed him to use me as an ashtray and to control my every move. I would have never crossed the line in a friendship and ruin it. So many “I would haves.”

I’ve made a TON of mistakes that I’m not proud of. One of my biggest regrets is loving and waiting on a man to choose me. Waiting on a man to validate me. Being a “back pocket” chick. Allowing a man who did so little for me, control my emotions, my life. I’ve made the mistake of trying to change who I was to fit what they wanted me to be. I was blinded. Looking for validation and love because that ship had sailed with a father who was emotionally unavailable. So therefore I… attracted men who were also unavailable. Which I didn’t realize until recently. Here are a few of the hard lessons I’ve learned over the years. One, you don’t need validation from MAN. Two, soul ties are real. So be careful! Three, you don’t have to change yourself for HIM to love you. Five, follow your gut. Last but not least, listen to your Mama. She’s been there and done that.

If you feel inadequate, you are enough. Don’t let anybody tell you anything different. I love you. You are worthy, beautiful, strong and courageous.Don’t ever become someone’s side chick. You are worth so much more. Always know that everything that glitters aint gold. Save yourself for marriage. And if you already messed up, recommit yourself from this point on. Don’t be afraid to be you. Don’t ever second guess yourself. I love you and I’ll always be there! Whenever you feel alone, you’re not. You got a BIG sister who’s got your back. I love you beloved

Love Always,

Your Big Sister

 

 

Uncategorized

Great Mountain

Who are you great mountain that you should not bow low, Jesus defeated the darkness, he has never lost a battle!

-Ramp Worship

So the question is who are you great mountain? What are some things, obstacles even people that are mountains in your life?!? A few of my mountains:

  1. Anxiety
  2. Self worth
  3. Self esteem
  4. Depression
  5. Mind battles
  6. Some relationships
  7. Unforgiveness

Whatever your mountain is, SPEAK TO IT TODAY! Right now!

Take a listen! https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/never-lost-feat-catherine-mullins/1066431548?i=1066432004

Enjoy! Love you!