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02May2019

So today my emotions were all over the place. I’ve felt useless today, overwhelmed, disappointed, and lonely. My mind has been on 1000. I didn’t feel like myself with everything going on this week. So what I did was beat my face, put on my favorite sundress and ride out. Well I did that and I’m still in a fog. I’m not posting this for sympathy at all. I’m posting this to help someone who maybe in the same boat as myself. I didn’t want to talk to God today about it. I just wanted to fix it myself and I can’t. I tried to cover how I was feeling and GET OVER how I was feeling real quick. Then I talked to my sis and she said something that really stuck me.

“It’s unhealthy to rush through what you’re feeling!”

-SiQuena W.

So at this current moment I’m acknowledging how I feel. Standing in my feelings but not residing there. I’m going to cry it out, get me some ice cream, and watch my favorite movie and write later.

Whoever is reading this, and feeling the same way—don’t rush through how you’re feeling. Feel it love and keep it moving. #Transparentmoment #NotesToMySisters

P.S. i love you

Journal Post, Singleness

In My Body…HARD

Man, can’t describe this feeling…
in my body HARD
to want something
someone
so much
but you allow rejection to keep you in that box
not allowing you to express how you feel 
for fear of not hearing what you want them to say
afraid that you will once again be 
wrong
made a fool
hurt again
 
on the other hand
its like what do i have to lose?
besides being embarrassed
and my pride being shut down
sigh
what’s a woman to do?
i feel myself getting angry.
angry at the fact that i keep doing this to myself
i continuously play it safe with my love life
guess i should say something, huh?
Journal Post, Self-image

i cant go back there…

i cant go back there.

back to holding the hand of rejection,

allowing it to walk with me daily.

i can’t go back there.

back to riding with shame 

allowing it to keep me bound.

i can’t go back there.

back to embracing abandonment

allowing it to make me feel like everyone is going to leave me, even the ones who said they never would.

i just can’t go back there.

back to dancing with fear

allowing it to paralyze me, allowing it to rob me of my goals, dreams, love and relationships

i just can’t go back there

back to nursing disappointment

allowing it to keep me from seeing the good in people, not putting expectations on people who i believe will let me down, or hurt me

i just can’t go back there.

#transparentmoment

however, today i visited every emotion

but i know i can’t stay there, it was only a moment

i can’t waddle in those emotions too long

if i do, i don’t think there’s no coming back.

so today i choose to acknowledge those feelings and combat them with positive affirmations.