Journal Post, new chapter, Singleness

Occupied

Occupied: adjective – 1. Busy and active 2. Being used by someone

Have you ever been in such a hurry to talk to your best friend about some bomb tea you just got? Only to call her and you get “the person you’re trying to reach is unavailable at this time.” Bummer right?!? How about being in a rush to use the restroom only to get there and the sign says “occupied?” Don’t you hate that?!! I know I do.

The adrenaline rush is an indescribable feeling. So much pressure getting to a place or waiting for something only to get there and it’s occupied. It’s a frustrating feeling to be in arms reach of something or someone but not able to access or use it because it’s being used or unavailable or busy. So now you’re just going to have to wait until it becomes available again. That’s a hurtful feeling.

Personally for me, waiting can be extremely aggravating especially when I’m in a rush. Like come on it shouldn’t take that long. Often times that’s how we look at the Father. Like come on Jesus, you’ve shown me a glimpse of my promise already and it’s in arms reach, I mean RIGHT THERE! Why do I still have to wait? Just let me have it already. And God is like, “hold tight Micaela, not yet.” I’m like but God I’m ready though.” In the famous words of my Pastor Travis Greene “If you were ready, YOU WOULD BE THERE!” That stung a little even reading it aloud just now.

It hit me literally today! Waiting isn’t all that bad. It’s what you’re doing while waiting that matters. My focus is allowing the Father to break me, mold me, get rid of somethings, show me some more things about myself that I need to change and live my best life. From the outside looking in, you can say that I’m occupied myself. I’m being used by the Father throughout this waiting process. It doesn’t always feel good and it does get lonely however it’ll be worth it in the end.

Uncategorized

02May2019

So today my emotions were all over the place. I’ve felt useless today, overwhelmed, disappointed, and lonely. My mind has been on 1000. I didn’t feel like myself with everything going on this week. So what I did was beat my face, put on my favorite sundress and ride out. Well I did that and I’m still in a fog. I’m not posting this for sympathy at all. I’m posting this to help someone who maybe in the same boat as myself. I didn’t want to talk to God today about it. I just wanted to fix it myself and I can’t. I tried to cover how I was feeling and GET OVER how I was feeling real quick. Then I talked to my sis and she said something that really stuck me.

“It’s unhealthy to rush through what you’re feeling!”

-SiQuena W.

So at this current moment I’m acknowledging how I feel. Standing in my feelings but not residing there. I’m going to cry it out, get me some ice cream, and watch my favorite movie and write later.

Whoever is reading this, and feeling the same way—don’t rush through how you’re feeling. Feel it love and keep it moving. #Transparentmoment #NotesToMySisters

P.S. i love you

Journal Post

A P A T H Y

Apathy-noun- lack of interest, enthusiasm or concern.

I was reading my devotional and this statement stood out to me.

Our apathy serves as a coping mechanism that shields us from feeling!

#Transparentmoment I’ve been there more times than I can count. I’m there. I’ve back spaced, and typed those two words at least 5 times in less than two minutes. If I am going to be transparent, then I have to share certain parts of me that I would typically hide. So there you have it. I am here in this moment where APATHY is prevalent.

After reading the devotional again (I’ve only read it 3 times) there was a statement that hit me like a ton of bricks.

 So we often create superficial selves and relegate every relationship to the shallow end of the relational experience. Because we know how badly rejection can hurt, we’re afraid that someone might get to know us and decide not to like us. BUT the foundation of intimacy is vulnerability, and if you can’t be vulnerable, honest, and open, then you will never be able to escape the terrible prison of superficiality. You will never be able to fully embrace what it is to be real.

WOW! Deep right?!!? That statement explains how I’ve been feeling the last few days. I think today I need to be refreshed, do something fun. I encourage you on today to get out and do something that you haven’t done in a while. Go get some ice cream or catch a movie. (I’m speaking to myself as well)! Staying in the mood of A P A T H Y is a choice!

 

Journal Post, Random

Gloomy

20July2018

gloomy.

so much pressure on my temples

watching the rain

as it tap dances on

the large window panes

watching the water as it

trickles down the window pane

and begins to fall so fastly

to the ground

&on the cars

gloomy.

everybody is still moving

the water running down the

window pane

makes me think of crying tears

how the flow of tears is a constant flow

its hard to determine whether the sky is crying tears of

joy or tears of sadness

gloomy.