Journal Post, new chapter, Singleness

Occupied

Occupied: adjective – 1. Busy and active 2. Being used by someone

Have you ever been in such a hurry to talk to your best friend about some bomb tea you just got? Only to call her and you get “the person you’re trying to reach is unavailable at this time.” Bummer right?!? How about being in a rush to use the restroom only to get there and the sign says “occupied?” Don’t you hate that?!! I know I do.

The adrenaline rush is an indescribable feeling. So much pressure getting to a place or waiting for something only to get there and it’s occupied. It’s a frustrating feeling to be in arms reach of something or someone but not able to access or use it because it’s being used or unavailable or busy. So now you’re just going to have to wait until it becomes available again. That’s a hurtful feeling.

Personally for me, waiting can be extremely aggravating especially when I’m in a rush. Like come on it shouldn’t take that long. Often times that’s how we look at the Father. Like come on Jesus, you’ve shown me a glimpse of my promise already and it’s in arms reach, I mean RIGHT THERE! Why do I still have to wait? Just let me have it already. And God is like, “hold tight Micaela, not yet.” I’m like but God I’m ready though.” In the famous words of my Pastor Travis Greene “If you were ready, YOU WOULD BE THERE!” That stung a little even reading it aloud just now.

It hit me literally today! Waiting isn’t all that bad. It’s what you’re doing while waiting that matters. My focus is allowing the Father to break me, mold me, get rid of somethings, show me some more things about myself that I need to change and live my best life. From the outside looking in, you can say that I’m occupied myself. I’m being used by the Father throughout this waiting process. It doesn’t always feel good and it does get lonely however it’ll be worth it in the end.

Journal Post, Random

A Second Listen

“Everything to Me” by Bethel Music has been on repeat now for the last hour. Yes! I’m that girl that will run a song out. However I can’t seem to shake this one tonight. In my mind, I wanted to change the song several times but I couldn’t.

I’ve heard this song a ton of times. But it hit differently because I’m in a different place, listening to it now with intent. To know that I mean EVERYTHING to a man who MADE EVERYTHING is something that I can’t comprehend. Like little ol me, means everything to a man who is the creator of the universe. Like, he’s God! He’s super busy! Yet out of billions of people, I, me, Micaela—still mean everything to him.

You hold my being

You wrap Yourself around every detail of my life

You placed everything into motion

And all I have to do is stand in the palm of Your hand

You mean to tell me that he knows every detail of my life—past, present and future and still chooses to love me in spite of?!? Geesh! Why?!? I mess up daily and he still says “Micaela you are still everything to me! I love you with an everlasting love.”

As I’m writing this note, the tears are falling down my face. I’m not sad. I’m just grateful. My Daddy, my ABBA loves me. I mean loves me deeply. I’m overwhelmed because I’ll never understand why. Why me?

Thank you Daddy! This was a great reminder that I mean everything to you and YOU mean everything to me.

💜 your favorite girl