Journal Post, Random

A Second Listen

“Everything to Me” by Bethel Music has been on repeat now for the last hour. Yes! I’m that girl that will run a song out. However I can’t seem to shake this one tonight. In my mind, I wanted to change the song several times but I couldn’t.

I’ve heard this song a ton of times. But it hit differently because I’m in a different place, listening to it now with intent. To know that I mean EVERYTHING to a man who MADE EVERYTHING is something that I can’t comprehend. Like little ol me, means everything to a man who is the creator of the universe. Like, he’s God! He’s super busy! Yet out of billions of people, I, me, Micaela—still mean everything to him.

You hold my being

You wrap Yourself around every detail of my life

You placed everything into motion

And all I have to do is stand in the palm of Your hand

You mean to tell me that he knows every detail of my life—past, present and future and still chooses to love me in spite of?!? Geesh! Why?!? I mess up daily and he still says “Micaela you are still everything to me! I love you with an everlasting love.”

As I’m writing this note, the tears are falling down my face. I’m not sad. I’m just grateful. My Daddy, my ABBA loves me. I mean loves me deeply. I’m overwhelmed because I’ll never understand why. Why me?

Thank you Daddy! This was a great reminder that I mean everything to you and YOU mean everything to me.

💜 your favorite girl

Journal Post

The Pressure Is Off

I needed to update my music library. So I added some new releases like HillSong:United, and Bethel Music: VICTORY. I typed in Steffany Gretzinger to see if she had any new music and came across an old album of hers called The Undoing. I only got through one song before coming across a song called “I Spoke Up.” Man!!! I believe I found the perfect song that is so fitting for me. I feel like she wrote it just for me! I’ve only listened to it for….I’ve lost count now. But I wanted to share the lyrics.

Everyone knows that I was the good girl

I did my best to make everyone happy with me

But then I found out that

It was impossible to please the whole crowd

[Chorus] So I spoke up and I spoke out

I learned that love don’t hold its tongue

And passion doesn’t bow to what they think

It’s You and me

Sometimes it’s painful to be brave

To look fear in the face

And know Your name

To find Your strength

This was my story. To know that I was bound by people’s opinions of me and the labels they placed on me, was a hard reality to face. Super transparent moment, I still deal with it at times. It’s a daily thing for me. I have to remind myself daily that I can’t please everyone. Trying to do that is tiring. Kinda crazy that I’m just figuring it out at 30, right?

My favorite line out of the song was, “It was impossible to please the whole crowd, so I spoke up and I spoke out. I learned that love don’t hold its tongue.” I can’t allow fear of not pleasing everyone hold me back any longer. Out of love I can simply say how I feel and BE OKAY WITH IT! Some may fall away, some may not like what I have to say and some may not even agree. But I can no longer remain silent about how I feel or be afraid to do what I really want to do because of “people.”

For the one who is just like me, the pressure is off. It’s okay to SPEAK UP and SPEAK OUT! I challenge you, as well as myself to be brave, be you, speak up and speak out.

The pressure is OFF!

💜i love you

Journal Post, Random

Whatchu Mean You Left?

Almost eight months ago, I left my job. Yes, you read it right. I left my 9-5 job. I’m not going to sugarcoat nothing in this blog. Super transparent blog. So yeah left my job in March of this year. I asked God, “Are you sure? Did I hear you right?” You know how you act deaf with an instruction the Father gives you, especially when it takes you out of your comfort zone! That was me. The place that I became so comfortable with, yet uncomfortable– God was saying your time is up. I’d been with the company for almost four years. But God said, there’s more that I want to show you and do in you. So March 23, 2018, was my last day. It was super emotional. People kept asking me, “So what are you gonna now? Do you have another job lined up? What are you going to do about insurance?” My answer was simple. “I don’t know, but I trust God.” This was the biggest faith move of my life! Also the scariest time of my life.

I had grown accustomed to every two weeks getting a paycheck. Waking up at 5:30 am every morning to prepare for work. But my world began to turn as soon as I realized that I no longer could depend on my job for finances but I now had to turn the creator of ALL THINGS and lean TOTALLY on him. Has it been easy? N O P E ‼️ Were there days when I wanted to go back? YUPP! But I always have to remember that God is my source not man.

The first few months went by smooth. I started counseling again, I started writing again and volunteering at my church more. I was like this is the life. I felt so free! Then after a while, reality hit me. Girl, your 401K is out, your bills for the next month are vastly approaching. Here comes July and I’m broke. I started to panic. Started questioning whether I heard the Father right. I said, “God it was supposed to be smooth sailing from here but it’s not!” I got weary and frustrated. I remember saying “Lord don’t have me out here looking crazy in these streets. I done told these people that you gonna take care of me. Don’t make me eat my words!”
Well he shut my mouth in August. I was coming up on my thirty days for my car payment. Mind you I’VE NEVER BEEN LATE PAYING MY BILLS AT ALL! This was definitely an issue for me! I was like God come on now, what’s happening? Well day 29, I received a cash app for the exact dollar amount of my car payment! OUT OF NOWHERE! Those of you that know me, you know I wept right!?? The following month found myself in the same situation and once again BOOM 💥, God did it again! He’s been keeping me all along. On days when I doubted him, he never left me. He showed me that he is my PROVIDER and only he can make PROVISION like that.

I still have some people who say “whatchu mean you left?” My response is,” yea I did! And if I never left I wouldn’t have published my first book, start a blog, meet the people I’ve met nor be in the position I’m in now.” The moral of this testimony is to encourage those to follow the voice of the Father and to trust him with everything! LITERALLY! I’m living proof that he’s a promise keeper! I may not have the money I desire, or the ability to shop like I want to but I have something neither one can provide. It’s called PEACE! Getchu some! Be encouraged guys! It’s worth it! The enemy has given me his best shot! It only knocked me to my knees and forced me to trust him more. It’s not easy but it’s worth it!

💜💜

Journal Post, Singleness

My Last Message

31july2018
black and blue plastic pen non top of black covered notebook
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

i called him.

i told him, “i’m outta there”
which translate to “i’m done.”
i debated on whether or not i should continue to be stupid
& fall for the “i don’t wanna be done. it’ll be different this time.”
yea, i heard that at least 4 times in the last month.
but tonight
i’m officially D O N E
your lost!
so now the process starts of me
“getting outta there”
deleted our thread
deleted you number
now it’s time to hit BLOCK!
i always heard the saying,
“people make time for what they WANNA make time for”
i was clearly an option
never a priority.
well tonight, i chose not to be stupid anymore
and allow you to treat me less than the queen i am
no more debating.
that was my last message….